I’ve often wished for a certain book that would teach me the secrets I was longing for about my life. And this type of book isn’t any kind of success principle, or self-help
— though I’ve tried many of those. What I am looking for are words that match the profound thoughts of my inner life.
I find, that behind my lethargy, behind my lack of self-control and lack of passion, there lie thousands of deep desires and contemplations that have wandered with no home for far too long.
I search for a place to keep the questions that cannot be answered here on earth. A place to keep my greatest dreams
— a place where they will remain safe until they come to pass. Or if God withhold them from me, or heaven forbid, myself — a place where they will be contently forgotten until I awaken to eternity. I want a place to keep the immense love I share for mankind, a love that will never escape my heart for lack of courage. A place to go and lay my aches aside; somewhere I can trade in sorrow for joy, anxiousness for peace and rest.
Now, this of course is not a literal place. But my heart tells me it can in fact be tangible. And it lies not in a place many will ever find. Simply because they refuse to look, or have given up long ago. I do not know where it is, or I would not have stated so many wishes and longings for such a thing. But I have found the door
— the only door. And that of which the one Soul and Spirit who knows my heart has brought me to, through many a trial and tear. A place one only might find through patience and trust that they are loved, and created through and for love by a God who is love.
Not only is this doorway so seldom come by. But alas, it is just a doorway, leading to a vast journey of losing to find; a concept one might only understand if they’ve experienced a taste of true joy and fulfillment. This is a long journey of learning the King and somehow accepting that He rules for the hearts of man to know Him; because He loves them. And that you are but one of all He loves with a love that cannot be bought or earned, but only opened up to.
Now this may sound like I have found what I’ve been looking for, and that if it only need be opened up to, it must be a simple task. But why then do my days consist mainly of failure and groping in the darkness alone? What else could it be that I am looking for? And the truth is, it is something I have already found long ago, but have not yet truly believed, not yet understood.
And simply, this book I search for is one of another man, one step ahead, with a map to all the places he has left the things he cannot change. A man who knows the being of my God and has walked with Him enough to give me a glimpse of a free mind and a steadied heart. I search for a written wisdom that relates to all the complex and vexatious thoughts inside my own head, and tells me that indeed there is a place for them to rest.