Hello! My name is Allison, I have dreamed of being able to express the beauty I experience and search for in everyday life.
In society today, many people are aware that our world is corrupt and falling apart at the seems. We, as people, are the only contributing factors to the way things are, and therefore, we are the only ones capable of contributing to any restoration or redemption. And I hope to present a way for all people to see the beauty that is around and inside of us, and challenge you to become all you can be and reach your full potential for impacting your world in a small and personal way, or a radical and public way.
I used to think the key to life was following your heart, but I have found that would only lead me down paths of deception, unrealistic expectations, and cause severe pain to myself and those around me.
I was born in Alberta, and my family was very involved in a local church in a town with about 6,000 people. We moved to Bracebridge, Ontario when I was seven years old, and over the years, my family (besides my dad) stopped going to church except on special occasions.
I believed in God all my life, but had no idea that I was missing out on the greatest gift on earth by only viewing him as a guy in the sky who could hear my voice, instead of someone who was capable of, and wanted to have, an intimate relationship with me, and give me the grace and power to transform who I would become and what my dreams and purpose were
I went through a common phase of depression and self-harm when I hit high school and started dating. I took to the extreme by shutting myself out of all close relationships in my life for a number of years. In Grade 11. I got into a relationship that, over a period of three years, ended up destroying the both of us. We were young and "in love" and in following my heart I put myself into situations of serious emotional, physical and sexual harm, just so that that boy would continue to love me. Now I do not by any means play the victim card, because I see that my insecurities are what got me into such a mess, and as a human being far from God, my sins were a main contribution to the harm of us both in the relationship.
I made the decision to move back to Alberta two weeks after my 19th birthday. I knew no one and was practically a body without a soul, with no idea of my identity and no emotions or senses to guide me. I was still very dependent on guys to determine my value, and I drank quite a bit when I first moved and discovered the bar-life. Fortunately enough, a guy I had feelings for, was in the same boat as I was, and he brought me to the church in Red Deer I now call my home, that brought me back to the heart of Jesus, and in-turn, changed my entire life.
Over the next 6 months, I was severely depressed and would lie in bed for hours a day, completely lethargic, and just crying and in pain because my heart ached from lack of feeling, and withdrawal from the relationship I left behind when I moved. In the midst of this process, my best friend of 12 years, died suddenly at 5 a.m. on a Sunday morning; she had a brain aneurysm at 19 years of age. This left me in a constant wave of emotions. I had two settings: numb, and unrelenting grief.
A midst all this I somehow had a steadfast hope in the Lord, even though my soul and body were in pain that never seemed to cease.
Now get ready to hear what my great idea was at the time: start dating.
I had absolutely no clue who I was, and I felt as if Jesus had removed my heart completely, and had not yet started rebuilding a new one; I was completely empty. Nonetheless, the relationship went on and through the first six months my eyes started to open, I started my first year of Bible College at Word of Life, and I cut out my habits of drinking and smoking marijuana. But I still followed my heart and gave up all senses of what I deserved, and gave all my so-called "love" to this guy, who assumed I was as mature as him, and as far in my walk with Jesus as him. And so when he found out about my bad habits I had hidden from him, it fractured his heart and for the next year we walked out forgiveness and sanctification.
I am currently in my second year of Bible College, and I have slowly learned step-by-step, the incredible saving power of Jesus Christ and his love. My heart has grown fully and I am now a whole person, able to think and express my opinions without hiding behind my walls. My mind has been transformed and I have been training myself to seek first the Kingdom of God and his Righteousness, and to keep in step with the Spirit that Christ gave me, and who lives inside me, empowering me to grow in character and potential, and revealing to me the creative dreams that my heart has so longed for but deemed impossible.
I just ended my relationship after a month short of two years, but God put it on my heart and all I have now is to hope in him for my future and purpose. Though it is hard letting go of what I had committed my heart to for life, I know God has bigger plans.
I am confident to say that I am full of unshakable hope and joy because God is for me and I place all trust in him and his steadfast love. But transforming my life from immense darkness to everlasting light has been a long and painful journey. It did not happen like I had thought, it was a lot harder than I imagined, but God is ever faithful and just to forgive our sins and to lead us into the light, and the ways of joy and peace that surpasses our understanding.